Will you be there ?

I m unable to fight my urge to write this piece RIGHT HERE & RIGHT NOW . In the midst of a very busy day with 2 page full of "things to do" and emotions bursting out of me ,derailing my every activity - its time to let it loose ...

yesterday evening , i watched the MJ memorial service and could n't help but be moved . My ears captured every word of his songs and it was so obvious how heart felt and personal each of them were .More often than not , we always prefer to do things that speak our heart in the process .every activity is and should be made to fulfill once's soul needs ..and so is this blog .

its more than anything , a safe haven for my soul to finally find a place in the WEB.

back to MJ , as jennifer hudson sang "will you be there ?" i came so close to hearing the pleas of a lonely soul , trapped within the confines of a pseudo support system which barely fulfilled the soul . his cries for help and the ever persistent need to be known and accepted in all of one's entirety .

we all have our idiosyncranices and the only people who accept them entirely are the ones who love us . they are very few in number , but once we find them ..its impossible to let them go .

our lives are enriched by the ones who love us for "what we are ", not for what "we must be ".
some of us are blessed with parents who fit in this catagory ,but most aren't .

relentless in their pursuit for idealism and perfection , they constantly focus on what is seen ,proven ,read about often ignoring the brokenness and power of our soul .

we only let our hair down to those ,who will accept us for "what we are " ...the rest can just be happy with a close to nothing "ME" .

The bonds formed by accepting people for their faults and deficiencies are the longest lasting ones and through Ups and downs in their life and circumstances ...they make it through . Jointly perfect ..singularly broken ,still in need for the other half .

As MJ expressed his real feelings to the whole world , and made people aware of their feelings and emotions ..he was still unable to communicate the same to those he needed the most ..

like i just coined ...Alone we are nothing and together we are ATLEAST TOGETHER

Bite me

Last night , i was bitten by the strange bug again ,Not the Love bug , the "get ur ass outta town" bug . I can't help but reminisce about my last vacation , which was a week long , in an unknown island - atleast unknown to me .

a quaint airport ,with a view - cloudy skies ,greenery and hills and a small aircraft - this time i saw the crossover from sea to land as we landed on this island . A long ferry ride took us to a haven of beaches with no exotic names .strangely called Beach 1 to beach 7 , but who cared , the water was a pristine blue green with loads of beauty inviting us to dive for ... so here it is - the agenda of the trip ..pure nonsensical scuba diving - we were promised colorful corals , delicate & vibrant fishes , a mantis ray and an electric eel ..Awww ...what a thought ,i said to myself ..imagine saying hello to an electric eel (will it encircle me and give me an electric hug ) and what about all the fishes - i'd rather poke my head into an acquarium . As i tried to evade the experience ..i heard to knock on my door ,it was 7 am and time to dive in . The boat took us to the lighthouse which promised schools of fishes and a not so scary experience for beginners ....ok i think i'm stretching this ..there is a lot more to write abt this island trip and i am at work now ...so here it is ...i got into the suit , straped into the apparatus , downed myself with 6.5 kg weights and I dived in ...breathing heavily i almost emptied the oxygen tank in less than 1/2 the time it takes for a normal diver ...more later

Posted by Swapna Sitaraman at 10:58 PM


so i m back ,destressing during the workhours ,still recounting my diving trip .
My first encounter with a sea creature was the best ever , still struggling to breathe with the regulator and landing in the shallow sea bed abt 5 ft deep ..i spotted a strange creature rolling in glee , wonder if it was jeering at my inability to dive . I stooped down furthur and there it was ...infamously called a sea cucumber , a weird lil conical animal ,still tumbling in the sea bed as if it was laughing at me .Attempting to make some contact , i found a lil stone and poked it in its tummy and voila ..communication ...it spurted its white tentacles at me ...still curious ..i poked it further ..we conversed for a bit and then i moved on to find more interesting creatures.

Love,fame & Money

3 things worth living for .

The great divide

Factual and Faithless Vs Hopeful and visonary

This is the great divide in us humans
We need each other so much , yet we are entirely different .
Each has its merits - to blend both would be ideal ,but extreamly contradictory .

Any result or success is a culmination of single minded intent and to use 2 schools of thought is not just impossible ,its detrimental and a slow process.

An act of success or achievement is a delusionary journey one takes ,all by oneself
supported unconditionally by a few who believes in the lunatic or better yet is willing to pick up the pieces of a broken dream - hopefully latching on to it themselves.

Few Achievers have ever ,led the journey alone .
The crazier and more delusional the idea , the more realistic the support
Even the most independent of us , get dependent when taken care of and supported

a lunatic needs sanity
sanity lies in the factual
sanity needs a lunatic to believe in the impossible .

The journey of a lunatic is never complete without sane observers,followers, admirers and enemies .
We choose to believe what we want , desire and hope for .
Idealistic as it may sound , we are out to get it ..and almost there
"almost there" is not defined by the distance,timetaken or any such measures of a factual ,
but from the racing pulse of the heart.

The hopeful and visionary see it coming , the existence of coincidence ,unfortnately called luck (by factuals) is nothing by evidence of a dream translating to reality .

Choose to believe and nothing is impossible
Choose to question and invite more questions

I ve always wondered why we latch on to a few things in our life ,refusing to let go ....and now i know its the lack of belief

All things that a meant to be and what i want and desire ..will be mine .
sooner or later ...
a flower fades away , a lake dries up , a dream lives on ...if i practise living it everyday
Not questioning the beauty of an unfolding dream ,just nurturing ,nudging and tendering it with love .

So whats the benefit of being factual you may ask ...well there are many : overoptimism & overconfidence can be avoided .
you will never be called loony .
you will hold on to reality and "what u have " .
you can always participate or play spoitsport to a loonies dreams .
and you will be happy & content with what you have ..

that sounds good right ??

Think tank - emptying it out

Here I am , writing about anything that comes to my mind
But my mind is blank
It needs a lead, a key anything to START IT UP
Funny when it starts working , it actually stops working too
Seriously the mind is only supposed to work when our other parts of the body order it to work .
But Noooo , it works first ….why ?

Imagine, I know this is not a good scenario, but my body wants it
Damn the brain, tells me otherwise
Better yet, it started working ,even before my body wanted it .

Imagine, I know I’m gonna get into trouble today , how would I know ,why would I know ?
It must be the bloody brain, back to its old ways

Thinking before feeling
Thinking before anything
Thinking before I wake up
Thinking before I die

No wonder, we choose drugs and alcohol to quiet the fist sized and in many cases pea sized brains ( I encounter quite a few of those)
What ever happened to good old heart..
Well it was wrong so often …we just shut it out
Or was it?

Why don’t we leap, before we think?
That way, we dun have an opinion before anything

What’s with right and wrong anyway?
Good and bad??
One is a direction: the rest are adjectives I guess..

So leaving a shred of intellectuality and some proof of it
I can’t write anymore

Yay! I am blank headed and loving it

I am deaf

I don't listen to any1
even if i was the one who asked for advice
i just wanted to find out your pov
i don't think ur advise will work ; look at us ; we are different people
wired differently ,i respond better to good food ,wine ,champagne , hugs ,hot chocolate ,,some lovin
so when i need some advice ,don' preach ...look above ,read the line again ...i forgot to mention ,anything expensive will also help

Over time , i ve realised ,i have more brain cells than others
just that , they don't work simultaneously
neither do they coordinate and agree upon ONE thing
thats why i make multiple opposing decisions at the same time ,and since i have the energy ;i try em all out

so it may seem that i am listening ,but i 'm not
it may seem that , you ve done ur bit ,but u haven't , read that IMP line again
and for those who won't stop , u can take ass ur s*** a** theories and put them to practise urself .

Now here's the twist ...i am a much sought after agony aunt and here's what i do
i advise them to try out the most bizzare option , cos it rarely Works!
even if it dosen't - it hardly was meant to Work !
so the disappointment is not severe and they would go back to their usual circumstances accepting reality as it is ...which is what they were meant to do

life has a different path for all of us , and i am used to taking the mountainous terrain , Maybe true ,,,if things were so easy , i d lose interest in the journey